Sticking to my guns..When Discipline is Hard to See Through

howtotrainasuperhero

I regret to inform you that I am no longer a wuss. That’s right I conquered fear of my children.

Fear you say?

Not a bully kind of fear but fear of their response kind of fear.

Some of you may say, “they’re children.”

Hear me out.

So kid hero lost a tooth two weeks ago. It just so happened that he actually pulled it out so that he could reap the reward of the Tooth Angel a little faster. Smart kid right?

Well I usually buy little toys and books just for happenings like these but it turns out this time I had nothing.

Remember when you got one dollar under our pillows and called it day. (For my more seasoned mama’s-a nickel)

It could have been just that simple but we have a tradition that we started and It’s ours. So we do it.

When a child loses their first tooth in our house they get a certificate shaped like a tooth, a cool new toothbrush, and a dollar or two. But the best part is where we make a special bag for that tooth. We decorate it with all the boy goodness and we thank God for the tooth that we lost and the one we will gain.

As the next few teeth ooze out, we stick to just making a bag and the boys get a little gift for their hard work of brushing and taking care of that tooth. They also get one dollar in which they can choose to spend, save or give. This time our agenda gave me the perfect opportunity to pick something up real quick but the fact that Kid Hero was hopefully waiting for the toy that he wanted gave way to a new kind of surprise from the tooth angel.

So we waited til last week to decorate our bag and slip it under his pillow. Now I stalled a bit on the bag so that I’d have a chance to grab one of his favorite beys. However, it just so happened that this particular week our house hold was struggling to submit to the Lords commandment of submitting to the parents and being a good neighbor.

So as I walked my happy tail out of work and across the highway to the toy store, I thought, ” Lord show me a way to give them Jesus with the tooth angel.” Let’s face it, everything we do in our house involves Jesus and he’s the primary reason we  developed the tooth angel instead of the tooth fairy. So that I may have another opportunity to give them better moments of wanting and serving the Lord.

And as I walked I thought, no way I’m going home. And the tooth angel will bring to our home a lesson of character building.

So I went home and we put the tooth bag together and under Kid Hero’s pillow and you know what I did? I fell asleep and woke up to an excited six year old eager to see the toy he knew would be placed under his pillow.

Whomp. Whomp.

What did I do?

No worries I had a plan. While my boys were eating breakfast. I snuck down to the kitchen and wrote a letter from the tooth angel. She urged KH to heed the instruction of his parents and follow the Lord’s way. She talked about preferring others over himself. She went over the benefits of a wise child who brings honor to their parents and the destruction of a foolish child who abandons his father words.

I also slipped a ten-dollar bill in the bag along with the tooth.

Yup He didn’t want to hear this. He immediately started to freak out and cry. He wanted a toy instead. He was not happy. I was so disappointed in his selfishness at that point that I begged the Lord to have mercy on him. LOL

I sat down and began to talk with him about the Good Samaritan in Luke 10. He freaked out more.

You know? Everything in me wanted to say, ” Ok we’ll get a toy when we go out to the store.” But I thought, If I remedy this kind of behavior with a reward so that at the present time he may obey, what gain is there? What is initially happening to his soul?

As a parent I am called by God to protect my children from death-hell. I am to raise them with God’s provision. Their human nature is against God and all he wants. Their hearts are deceitful and wicked, selfish and vain(Jeremiah 17:9). It is in moments much like this one that I must stop, recognize and rescue.

Stop and think what is really going on. What the heart is saying. I must be good at recognizing my children’s needs-spiritually. In this case KH was being very selfish. What the tooth angel gave wasn’t good enough for him and he was going to cry, yell and stomp until he got what he wanted. (dis-contentment, prideful, ungrateful)

Recognize the way that I need to respond. Not by yelling and sending him away, unbridled anger or relieving him by rewarding him but finding the best way to reprove him whether it be correction, instruction, rebuke, entreaty, teaching, encouragement or a warning from the Lord.

Rescue him by giving him Jesus. The bible says that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. God says that he will give us the things we desire if we seek him with our whole hearts. My boy has got to understand that it’s not about him.

I’m certainly on a mission. That is to help my boys understand themselves in light of the Lord.

After reading the passage about the Good Samaritan KH quickly started to crumble and cry. He repented

At the end there was a charge.

The tooth angel charged Kid Hero to figure out how he can be a blessing with his money, whether it be to the church, the community, his family or complete strangers. He was charged to give some, save some and then spend some of his money.

Oh was it hard. He acted like a complete fool with his tantrum and it pained me to discipline him but no discipline seems pleasant at the moment but painful. I think that’s true for me and him. But it is important that I make an appeal to his conscience and address his heart.

So of course my boy understood it at the moment and failed a few times along the past few weeks. But my biggest accomplishment in my son’s life is that he can recognize when he is wrong and he is capable and active in repenting and seeking to do better.

Always makes me smile to see him sitting talking to God about what’s on his heart.

So the next occasion I need to pull out my guns, I’m sticking to them.

signature2

HOPE FOR THE WORKING MOM

howtotrainasuperhero

We work like a dog all day. We come home without chance to unravel what our mind has been trying to comprehend since early morning.. to bright faces with missing teeth asking and begging for our attention. So we put our bags down and scoop up a handful of motherly love and our night shift begins.

I know how you feel….To not have enough time to spend with your children because most of your night involved your commute home.

And I know it gets worst.

You feel overwhelmed and under heard. Your mind is set to accomplish your many tasks of the day and before you know it your precious baby ended up watching T.V all day….but you got all your work done. You’ll do better tomorrow. But tomorrows to-do list looks just like today’s.

Motherhood. It has me down in the dumps. Too many times I’ve yelled for them to stop yelling at each other. I’ve sat them down to stare one another eye ball to eyeball. I’ve enforced punishments that exited their favorite’s. I’ve tripped over the last toy I can take and I don’t really feel like cooking. I’ve been doing laundry for the last three weeks and there are too many deadlines to meet. I’m tired and cranky and fighting for grace.

Motherhood.

Who called me to this?

God did. From the beginning of time he commands me to raise my children and nurture and care for them. He commands me to be their mother. (Genesis 1:28)

Times get tough. I lose a few marbles or some of them get loose. I lose sight of the benefit of serving and caring for my family.

2 Corinthians 4:1-18

Therefore, since God in his mercy has given us this new way, we never give up. We reject all shameful deeds and underhanded methods. We don’t try to trick anyone or distort the word of God. We tell the truth before God, and all who are honest know this.

If the Good News we preach is hidden behind a veil, it is hidden only from people who are perishing. Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God.
You see, we don’t go around preaching about ourselves. We preach that Jesus Christ is Lord, and we ourselves are your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.
We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies. So we live in the face of death, but this has resulted in eternal life for you.
But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, “I believed in God, so I spoke.” We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus,will also raise us with Jesus and present us to himself together with you.  All of this is for your benefit. And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory.
That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
This passage is titled Treasures in Jars of Clay.
What does that mean?
Possibly that somewhere underneath all the lack of sleep and to-do lists, God is molding and shaping us for our benefit…for his.
Perhaps that our families are being likened to his glory. So just think of it like this. Through all the rubble is a treasure to be held. One that marks eternity as it’s destination. So while you’re going crazy half the time. God is working. perfecting you, them. He holds the clay and kneads it well…And in the end it turns out to be just like he imagined.
So don’t be weary in your well-doing. Let patience have its perfect work. God’s gift and call can never be withdrawn. (Rom 11:29) He made us for this.
So there’s hope for us. Us working moms.

Lessons from a Dreamlite

And so it began. The lights went out and I heard no noise. Only the sound of two giddy little boys watching their dream lite. For some reason the way it lit up the Nightly overhead really calmed them and made them feel comforted. It  mimicked the beauty of Gods natural creation and there was peace in that for them. Fast asleep they went and I never heard another peep.

Dream lites? Huh. Who would have thought? I pondered the note I’d typed and plastered on their bare paneled wall.

(Listen thing that’s scaring me! Go away when I count to three! One..Two..Three!!  For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind -2 Timothy 1:7) God is BIGGER than the boogie man.

God is bigger than the boogie man. Gee wiz.

That means he’s bigger than the worries that I have. Or he’s bigger than the goals that I set.

But tell me something. If God is so big why can’t I trust him?

Well yes I trust him. But not with everything. You see, I forget that it’s not my world. I forget that I don’t call the shots and I end up calling them. I pick my job.  I pick my car. I pick the street that I will walk down. I pick the future I want my children to hold.

In perspective, how would you feel if something that you created to do a certain thing…did the opposite?

How would I feel if the thing that I created needed  troubleshooting and it wasn’t returned for repair?

The dream lite, it was created to mimic beauty. It was created to fulfill the feeling of being surrounded by the night sky filled with twinkling stars-the bright moon. It was in essence created to mimic creation and God’s view of it.

In the same way I was created to mimic the work of my creator. I was created with his interest, his attributes and his style. I was created to represent his unique outlook. I was created to mimic my king.

But sometimes, I look like me. I look like my image and that looks blurry.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I’m broken and I need repair, I’m exhausted and I need relief….but I don’t take my issues or my jacked up heart wrapped in pride and selfishness, soaked in self-righteousness and self gain, back to the manufacturer. Nope I try to fix it myself. I try to sticky gloop all of my issues. I stick them in the microwave and apply too blessed to be stressed! I give my heart away to the world and all its pleasures.

But the funny thing is,I never void the warranty. So even after all the junk I do. All the corners I cut, I can take my broken heart, my wretched soul back to the creator.

He will take the bandages off and expose my heart in its natural sinful state and he might frown at the dint’s and bruises that I got from being mishandled but he will remember what I’m supposed to look like and go to work like a potter shaping clay, and mold me into what he envisioned for me to be.

So why don’t I trust him?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6

That dream lite will never look the same to me. It will remind me of how God put the stars in the sky and how he knows each of them by name. It will remind me that he created me just as beautiful and that he designed every nook and cranny to reflect him.  It will remind me where my contentment lay and those giddy little boys were made to be loved and from that I’ll give everything I have to say Thank you.

-Choose Love

Protecting the purity: How to shepherd your children

I think I’ve stressed about the importance of this issue enough over the pass few years. Enough to go crazy.

I’m a single mom with broken influence in my home. My boys don’t have a model at home to see. There is no father at home influencing them, who is active and able to discern through situations and step up.

I’m grateful for the men that my boys have in their lives, besides their fathers, who influence them biblically and walk with them. But when they go home, it’s just me and my babies.

My babies.

One day they will be men who acquire wives, and children and a life of their own. One day they will be accountable for what I’ve taught them about God. We are just practicing right now for the big test against the world.

The test that may take them by the foot and drag them through circumstance and tribulation.

Will they be able to stand? Will they know that there is a God who understands them? Will they run to him for safety? Will they know how to treat a woman? That It’s not okay to uncover her purity? Will they be leaders that shepherd well? Will they be respectable, hardworking and wise?

These are the things that I want for them. I’m certain that God agrees though the journey to become those men of integrity I am not sure.

Boys struggle. We all do. But there are sins that turn into struggles that can consume them if they aren’t protected now.

For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. For she cares nothing about the path to life. She staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t realize it. So now, my sons, listen to me. Never stray from what I am about to say: Stay away from her!  –  Proverbs 5:3-8

Sexual immorality is one sin that has plagued our nation. From young to older. Our children are persuaded  that sexual promiscuity is okay.

So what do we do?

Us women who have been forced to take on a role that was originally designed for a man, leaving us to succumb to teaching our boys to step into a biblical role setup for man that was scripted for them.

Can a woman teach a man to be a man?

My boys are 6 and 3. How in the world do I protect them now when they are so young? They won’t understand.

(Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it – Proverbs 22:6)

He won’t depart from it. That means, that the foundation that I teach them on will not crumble when they walk.

Us single moms do it all. Some because we have to. Some because we chose to through consequence.

But there is help.

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. -Hebrews 4:16

The Lord is the one who will shepherd them, lead them guide them, give you discernment to protect them and keep them. There is no one better to entrust our children to. No one better to trust ourselves. We can go to God and ask for help and he will not turn us away.

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. – James 1:5

So here’s some practical things to help you out along the way. Things I’ve learned over the time that I’ve been a mommy and things that are spelled out in God’s word.

  1. Let them be boys. Don’t rob them of their innocence. Sometimes,as parents we have expectations for our children that are meant for,adults.
  2. Limit their access.  Guard them from the influences of the world. Put passwords on computers and check their technology daily. Be careful to block inappropriate websites and TV shows. Know that we can’t block them from everything.
  3. So we must pray for them. There is nothing that God doesn’t see and nothing that he doesn’t understand. He created them. He knows how to keep and control them. He will lead them when you aren’t able to.
  4. Listen. Be quick to listen. Pay attention to red flags and help them understand themselves as individuals under Gods authority. Take opportunities to talk with them. Give them a platform to be able to talk freely but with boundaries.
  5. Point them to Jesus. Don’t neglect to incorporate God in daily living. Let him be the center by pointing your boys to Jesus in discipline, correction, praise and teaching. Lead by example. Purposefully direct them by engaging with them. I heard a pastor at my church telling his daughter, ” how good is it that God gave us ice cream!” Be intentional.
  6. Teach them repentance and confession. Take part in showing them repentance and what it means. That May mean sometimes actively repenting
    yourself. If we don’t know that something is wrong or offensive we won’t be convicted. And we will convince ourselves that nothing is wrong.
  7. Pray with them.  Incorporate a family time where they can be creative in getting to know God, ask questions and worship together. As my children get older I’d like to act out different stories in the bible that will engage them and help them understand different motives, expressions and scenario.

There is a wrong way to parent our children.

When we fail to give our children Jesus and they go on living their lives as primary owners and not renters.

Run to the good shepherd. He keeps count of all his sheep. He knows when one goes astray or when one is battling sin. He can foresee a crooked path and make it straight.

Nykiah

How to Train a Super Hero {Beginners Edition}

Since the year 2013 rang in, there have been a number of ways I feel the Lord has tried to get my attention. Over the past few weeks I’ve been going through learning about grace, patience, love and the depth of those two from the cross.

When I look at my boys I immediately notice their differences and the importance of me catering to their very “different” needs. What a year this has thus far been!

In previous posts I’ve explained how different my boys are and it’s not until this week that I’ve truly taken in their “boy.”

So when I think of my blog title I think of the reasons I named it what it is and those reasons didn’t start out with the deep meaningful background that it stands on today. I was going for a supermom theme-cute type name. But never could I have imagined that God would reveal far more greater things to me through blogging.

So what exactly is a super hero?

When we think super hero we automatically recollect on red capes, big ripped overly exaggerated muscles, ridiculous voices, spider webs being shot all over the house  and the sound of “not so fast!” being used as a term of endearment.

Merriam-Webster defines a super hero as: a fictional hero having extraordinary or superhuman powers;also : an exceptionally skillful or successful person.

In real life my superhero is not so fictional. Instead he walks with a crown of Glory-one that he got through proving his love to the world. My super hero has suffered the scars of sin and affliction that were not his own. My super hero pushed me out-of-the-way of death when I was entrapped to a life of turmoil and mischief.

This man, this SUPER man sat at the beginning of earth with the Lord being Lord, came down to earth to experience my pain, my grief, my sorrow, my temptation, my sin; hung his head in love and rose to assume the role of Christ once for all to all people. My super hero is Jesus–and he is real.

You see, when I look at my parenting and as I look to rearing my children in the right direction, I can’t help but think “I’m not training them to be robots that adhere to all the standards of society, I’m training them to be like Jesus. My child rearing should be pointing them to JESUS and teaching them a daily lifestyle of confession and repentance. It’s important for them to know where they stand and where God stands so that they understand their roles in life as they grow.

What does that mean? What does life under the SON look like?

Life under the son is developing character and living in full submission to his lordship on a regular basis. It means we understand our lack of perfection and need to be rescued.

For so long I have tried to figure out ways to practically teach my children by sitting them in front me and reading the entire bible to them. But I realized that my children are watching me. They are learning how to love God and how to serve others through me. They are learning accountability and suffering, character and love through me. I can’t come to grips with that enough. That’s so overwhelming!!!

Training up my boys in the fear of the Lord means also that I need to understand them. What are their weaknesses, what are their fears, their strengths, their likes and dislikes. My oldest son very often falls into the line of people pleasing. He’s often too worried about what others think of him. I pray hard daily that the Lord will help him to understand his value as a young boy and the importance of his role as a growing man. My littlest is strong-willed to the point of no return. I pray daily that the Lord will break him down and help him to be humble. I’m still actually learning on that one. LOL

One thing I’ve learned in my journey of mommahood is to never stop praying and giving myself up to the Lord because when I do I miss things that are crucial to serving my children. Also, never to stop praying and giving my arrows up to the Lord. It’s a daily process that makes me grow so weary at times.

I fail. I forget. I yell a few times, I get exhausted, and I ask sometimes why me but that’s mothering. It’s a huge job.

I’m learning how to train a not-so superhero-Jesus’ way.

The Father of Lies

This morning. Oh this lovely morning. Born from a busy weekend. Inhabited by frustrations and lack of sleep.  Monday evening I packed up my things with eagerness to run out of the door of my department and hit the clock that no longer bonds me a slave to making money to provide for my family.

Anxious to get home to those sweet little faces and make the  public house announcement that it was time for bed, I was excited and hoping to catch up on the time I missed out on the weekend to spend with my boys. Excited to finally wash away the troubles and stress of the work day and put on my mom clothes. – an ode to motherhood.

Sunday night we had an awakening surprise that I’d didn’t think of. My oldest boy had a moment. One of those moments that kept us up for an hour and a half. Hoping to reason by purposely pouring into him.

The night ended with crying, worship and an exhausted look from me to my beau. Finally the boys went to sleep, hunney left and I went straight upstairs to dump myself in bed and rid my mind of the thought of catching up on the rest of the house.

The next morning. This morning. I woke asking the Lord to strengthen me and encourage me to move forward throughout the day.

I was met with resistance from my six-year-old which resulted in me taking away his privileges for the week. It’s exhausting really but then its amazing really…to see how  much they trust in a sinner like me until they understand who I really am and start to trust God. It’s so amazing to know that God gives me a large hand of authority to raise them for a little while.

Anyway. After dropping my boys at the bus stop I rushed back home to where an extra hour of sleep awaited me.

Have you ever noticed how if your carrying something heavy, the closer you get to home the more unbearably heavy it gets? Well that’s how my eyes felt. Heavy.

I think we can use the same scenario when talking about waiting for Jesus to come. The burdens and suffering grow thicker and courser as we near the coming of our Saviour.

Ok, so I drag myself up the stairs and dump myself in my all to comfortable bed and I start to replay everything the morning had brought to me. My heart was heavy for my

oldest. Still in between a groggy sleep I say a brief prayer and doze.
And then it hit me.

Sinful thoughts and belief of lies that raising my boys will  never get better. That life is everything it will ever be now. That trusting God is maybe a big mistake.

Doubt.

With his cunning deceit, tricky words, and scenes that set up destruction.

He was playing this part well.

He knew when to pause and when yo take a bow.

He knew the times to try us against each other.

He staged every part of the act. From selfishness to pride, from anger and frustration; from unrepentance to unforgiveness.

Perverting the picture of Gods eternal glory like he’s been all along.

That crafty Satan. That father of lies.

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.

In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.  All power to him forever! Amen. (1 Peter 5:8)

How could I forget? That there is someone standing behind waiting for me to fall to my death. Waiting for my children to denounce the name of their creator.

That silly satan. My silly flesh.

Introducing the father of lies.

Linking up with: Messy Marriage

My Brothers Keeper: Teaching Them to Love Like JESUS

The other day I read a blog entry by Becky Kopitzke that started out with a book called Redeeming Love . That got me to thinking.

This morning I woke up cranky, intolerable and just plain not in a good mood because I’m exhausted. I can remember looking into the eyes of my children and hearing my oldest ask, “why are you so angry mommy?”  They hadn’t seen irritation from me like this in a long time. They were worried.

This week started off totally gruesome for me. To start, I lost my bus pass while running to catch a bus, was burned by scolding hot water at work (completely an accident) and the day ended with me walking almost two miles home and sending my children to bed without mommy time. -Exhausting

I woke up this morning trying to regain traction and felt so limp and weak but through this totally gruesome day I found hope in the  love of Jesus. -Comfort in God’s word

(All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.  He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.  For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ.  Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer.  We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.

 We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it.  In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.  And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us.  And you are helping us by praying for us. Then many people will give thanks because God has graciously answered so many prayers for our safety.)

– 2nd Corinthians 1: 3-11

Over the past few weeks I’ve been stressing to my boys the importance of being brothers and being their brother keeper.

Of Course they are boys, they argue, they fall out laughing, they tattle when the other is not cooperative to the others selfish motives. And then they reconcile.

– back to best brothers as usual. I’ve learned overtime that this is the way of the brotherhood  and It’s something I can’t change. What I can change is their view of each other throughout their brotherhood in light of the cross.

I can exemplify and teach them repentance when they have offended one another, caring for each other like in Matthew 22:39 and loving each other like in 1 Corinthians 13. I can teach them the importance of grace and compassion, and forgiveness and patience.

-but it first starts with me. It starts with me understanding my charge as not only their mother but as their sister in Christ.

This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. 13 There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.  I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. This is my command: Love each other.

John 15: 12-17

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.  And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Ephesians 5:1-2

This morning I couldn’t help but to repent and ask my babies for forgiveness for not loving them like I should. I asked the Lord to redeem my way of loving them.

When we remember Jesus and the true meaning of his resurrection we can have hope in knowing that he died to redeem our love and in his love we are redeemed to love.

HIS way

I know that I can go to the cross every time I mess up and exchange my way for Jesus’ way. This is where it begins for those little eyes. This is how they will learn to love like Jesus.

My love isn’t perfect but his is and by it we are all redeemed.

I hope you all enjoy your Easter and are encouraged by the resurrection of Jesus and the fact that he now he lives in our hearts perfecting his love that he has been redeeming ever since.

Journey to Be Renewed

I first started blogging in the midst of a heartbreaking situation that gripped my life. Divorce. I needed something to help me make better use of my time and my thoughts. We all know how that could be. It was an everlasting emotional and messy scenario all together. I cried, I prayed, I fought the fear present issues and complications. I wrestled with regret of not listening and confusion of where to go next and I looked to different individuals to pull me out of my despair. In this journey, I sought the Lord more than I ever did before. I detached myself from society and honed in my role as mother and servant. It was very challenging because I had to face some realities about myself and grasp on to some truths about God that changed my life.

I transferred my membership to the church where I now attend and discovered new relationships and healing. I found a family of believers that are truly amazing to me and have aided in my growth through fellowship.

I almost feel like I met the love of my life while walking through life with my head down. My story of meeting my him is very peculiar and I thank God for sending him to me. He challenges me to run after God more and to be a better person all around. Besides God, nobody has taken more time to understand and know me and see the world through my eyes. I love you babe.

So this year has been a hard one. One that has left some deep scars and memories. But on the contrary, I remember sitting on my couch on the eve of new years 2011 crying in desperation for God to change me. I didn’t know what was coming but I prayed for his grace to hold on and get through. You see, I’ve learned that that magical man that I thought God was, was not so. I’ve learned that as a christian, I was called to suffer, and struggle-not that God does not bless me either because I’ve never had my gas or electric shut off, never been late on my rent and I’ve always had food on the table and have even gotten promoted on my job-not to mention he’s kept me and my children safe through the tragic times of this year. But I realized through this all that God sits Higher than anything or anyone and he was right there all along. When I wanted to be shielded from the pain of my actions he shielded me….while I was running. That pain has allowed growth.

So I haven’t been posting for a few weeks because I wanted to take that all in-that year after year God is and has been gracious and good to me.

In 2013 I am embarking on a new journey with my family. I’m not making an resolutions but I’m praying that God would allow me to grow more and learn more in servanthood, motherhood and maybe even wifelyhood. lol

I will be taking a few months to serve my family and redo this blog. See ya then!

-Choose love

Grace To The Gray

“Is that a gray hair?”

I leaned closer into the mirror to give it a yank. Talk about mixed emotions-“that is a gray hair!!”

I began to calculate my youth immediately in my head. “I’m too young!?”, God I CANNOT go gray.”  Turning to the side to assess the rest of my head I mumbled, “what is happening to you?”

But then I heard the Lord say-“what’s wrong with gray hair? Do you think I give them out easily?”

Proverbs 16:31 Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.

“Well maybe it’s not so bad.”

I thought about all the hidden troubles in having this gray hair. It was almost a life changing experience-but it hit me. I’m twenty-two years old and I’ve gone through some pretty rough things-things that have helped me to learn and things that have changed my heart and helped me to grow. GOD kept me.Sure things are tough at times but when I think about the roughest path I’ve had to walk, I have to accept that There are far more worst things that I didn’t see, that GOD and GOD alone has protected me from.

“James 3:17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable,gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.”

I then understood that where I am in my life- this gray hair marks my progress. It is GOD’s simple way of saying, “My how you’ve grown.” And grown in his grace and wisdom.

So in that case-I’m glad that he decided to give me grace and a gray hair.

Update: Work in Progress

About a month ago I wrote a post about some habits I’d like to form and ones I wouldn’t mind kicking to the curb. Whenever I take a step forward or backward I think of this post. Let’s review.

Am I smiling more? Yes! More than I have in a long time. I’ve allowed God to completely control the flow of my life and with that I have found peace in letting go what I can’t control and saving time for the littlest things that turn out to mean so much. I can’t quite say that my daily readings or my quiet times with God have improved much but I have been more making more effort in applying the word more and studying and thus things are steadily moving forward.

I’ve learned over the last month how much money and time I can save by planning meals and freezing them; not to mention canning. I’ve been planning meals more carefully and making many more homemade things where I can control the ingredients. I’ve even found that I enjoy cooking a bunch! I’ve been embracing more homemade things and I even found a recipe on pinterest to make fruit roll ups, applesauce and the like so let the healthy living begin!! I’m in love with the extra time I’ve gained by pre-preparing meals and planning a list of things to do for the week though I should spend my time more wisely. I have also done the unthinkable!! I’ve cut out the T.V!!! My kids think I’m nuts but I’m finding more things that create memories and doing them with the boys; it’s more work sometimes but well worth the laughs and time that I’ve received.  Everything is much better when there is a lesser influence of a third-party i.e the TV. LOL!

One thing I’ve been super proud of is our activity time. I’ve managed to fit family game night into our schedule every Thursday though we’ve played candy land a million times this week it seems. Even my little number 2 in his little three’s has learned how to be a competitive little muncher. I will admit though, I’m too tired to read the super long books we have to them every night so I’ve started to slowly jump into the punch of reading every night. Reading is such an important thing to me, though it can be an easy habit to fall out of. Sometimes my kids relate more through stories and action and that helps them a lot. It also stimulates their brain which I’m front row for that. And!!!! We have started the 100 book challenge. I’m so siked that something from my childhood has evolved to stay put in my kids lives. Wish us the best…it’s 100 books.

This past week has been drastically long for us with the time difference and all. Our schedule is in an uproar it seems and I feel like the kids turned into little boogie men overnight. Just a laugh….So with that said I think my list of habits to increase and kick has grown and still has room to grow. My laundry is still in the dryer though Ha! I think once number 2’s birthday is over this month I will add potty training maybe exercise? Isn’t answering to “MOMMY!!!!!!!” one hundred times a day enough workout for one day? LOL There is still more to come. that’s why I am a work in progress.

-choose Love