This morning was not like any other. It was a morning I spent mourning a terrible action on which I displayed.

I’ve struggled with this my whole life. Like a thorn given to remind me of my imperfection. I’ve despised this nasty trait of mine. I’ve battled toe to toe with tears and prayer. But sometimes it gets the best of me. Not that it has a mind of It’s own or anything. I can control it if I want to.

But sometimes my need to rationalize things out loud gives room for this nasty characteristic to have the stage. And I choose to let it rip through family life and my life-like a heaping tornado.

Controlling my tongue.

My mouth will get me in trouble. I used to hate hearing that as a kid. But my mother wasn’t lying. Now I struggle with my words and sometimes the anger from my words more than I did when I was younger. It’s an ongoing issue that I’ve yet to defeat.

Dear brothers and sisters,not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth.  And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.

But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.

 If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace-loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.  And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.  -James 3

I yell things, I combat with hurtful words sometimes, I get all indignant and make others bow down to worship my needs and desire.

I am even unrepentant sometimes.

Thankfully the Lord knows how to break my hard shell. For he is my shepherd and I am his sheep. He knows me better than anyone else. And knows my heart.

To be honest sometimes this issue is a result of my inconsistency. The fact that I haven’t allowed the Lord to drive my life but that I’ve taken the wheel and have steered in the wrong direction. When pride enters my heart, sin drips from my lips and I end up losing sight of my goal- heaven.

But a few things that help on this is to combat some of the lies that I’ve started to believe like I can say what I want whenever, and that I don’t have to watch my words or speech because I’m grown.

Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.   -James 3:11-12

That the Lord is allowing me to be hurt and I have to defend myself. That I can fix it, them.

Though I am surrounded by troubles, you will protect me from the anger of my enemies. You reach out your hand, and the power of your right hand saves me. The Lord will work out his plans for my life— for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me.  -Psalm 138: 7-8

I’m thankful that the Lord God loves me so much to convict me. I realize that this is a result of his love. His conviction provides a remedy for my wounds , the wounds of the ones I’ve hurt along the way and healing for my bones.

It’s so easy to forget that there is an enemy out seeking to desire our hearts and control our minds. But we must not forget that there is also a saviour who defeated him already. so losing is our choice.  As mothers, sisters, daughters, friends and wives we must not lose sight of relying and depending on our faithful saviour.

That means be diligent in seeking and serving him. Submitting to his will and the work that he has called us to.

There we find what we need and the power to turn away from sin and walk toward his son.

But know that God knows we aren’t perfect so if we mess up along the way, we can rest in the fact that there is nothing that will separate us from his love and faithfulness and that we can get up and keep walking.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.  -Romans 8:38-39

 

Linking up with: Wedded Wednesday