This morning. Oh this lovely morning. Born from a busy weekend. Inhabited by frustrations and lack of sleep.  Monday evening I packed up my things with eagerness to run out of the door of my department and hit the clock that no longer bonds me a slave to making money to provide for my family.

Anxious to get home to those sweet little faces and make the  public house announcement that it was time for bed, I was excited and hoping to catch up on the time I missed out on the weekend to spend with my boys. Excited to finally wash away the troubles and stress of the work day and put on my mom clothes. – an ode to motherhood.

Sunday night we had an awakening surprise that I’d didn’t think of. My oldest boy had a moment. One of those moments that kept us up for an hour and a half. Hoping to reason by purposely pouring into him.

The night ended with crying, worship and an exhausted look from me to my beau. Finally the boys went to sleep, hunney left and I went straight upstairs to dump myself in bed and rid my mind of the thought of catching up on the rest of the house.

The next morning. This morning. I woke asking the Lord to strengthen me and encourage me to move forward throughout the day.

I was met with resistance from my six-year-old which resulted in me taking away his privileges for the week. It’s exhausting really but then its amazing really…to see how  much they trust in a sinner like me until they understand who I really am and start to trust God. It’s so amazing to know that God gives me a large hand of authority to raise them for a little while.

Anyway. After dropping my boys at the bus stop I rushed back home to where an extra hour of sleep awaited me.

Have you ever noticed how if your carrying something heavy, the closer you get to home the more unbearably heavy it gets? Well that’s how my eyes felt. Heavy.

I think we can use the same scenario when talking about waiting for Jesus to come. The burdens and suffering grow thicker and courser as we near the coming of our Saviour.

Ok, so I drag myself up the stairs and dump myself in my all to comfortable bed and I start to replay everything the morning had brought to me. My heart was heavy for my

oldest. Still in between a groggy sleep I say a brief prayer and doze.
And then it hit me.

Sinful thoughts and belief of lies that raising my boys will  never get better. That life is everything it will ever be now. That trusting God is maybe a big mistake.

Doubt.

With his cunning deceit, tricky words, and scenes that set up destruction.

He was playing this part well.

He knew when to pause and when yo take a bow.

He knew the times to try us against each other.

He staged every part of the act. From selfishness to pride, from anger and frustration; from unrepentance to unforgiveness.

Perverting the picture of Gods eternal glory like he’s been all along.

That crafty Satan. That father of lies.

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.

In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.  All power to him forever! Amen. (1 Peter 5:8)

How could I forget? That there is someone standing behind waiting for me to fall to my death. Waiting for my children to denounce the name of their creator.

That silly satan. My silly flesh.

Introducing the father of lies.

Linking up with: Messy Marriage